It's hard to get at my kids hearts almost ALL the time. They would much rather I address their behavior and they don't want to apologize for their motives just the actions. I find my children avoid the truth just as much as kids who never heard. In fact sometimes I think my kids go to extra lengths to avoid the truth, in church my kid will play super hero/villains with their fingers to avoid listening to the sermon. My kid would rather scream at the top of his/her lungs when they are hurt emotionally or physically instead of actually speaking to someone about the truth. My kid would rather ignore me and even go so far as to cover their ears to avoid hearing my words as I speak to them. All these realities I find SOO tough to deal with because my desires for them are so different than their desires for themselves.
I want to see them learn to deal with things I never learned to deal with, like the redemptive nature of conflict. But they don't want to admit they actually sinned. My kids still think they are fabulous, even when we honestly share with them who they are and we are in our sin. But these actions are not simply true for one of my children, they are true for ALL of my kids. I find it hard on a daily basis to see my kids as depraved people in need of the miracle of the gospel. I continually need reminding that when they come to know and be known by Christ that it will be just as big of a miracle as my own conversion and that of my husband. But I still desire that they would lap up the truth teachings I offer.
I want my conversations to sound more like an ideal gospel conversation instead of dealing with rolled eyes, closed ear and often complete and total incomprehension. I don't want to see blank stares, I want to see understanding and recognition. I have even got so far as changing the ways I communicate with them. I say "you are pushing away the truth, and who is the truth?" now instead of "Why did you do that?" my kids don't really care what their motivations are. When they are unkind and hateful to their brothers and sisters I say to them "Is this king, insert name?' Or is this servant, insert name?" When I say this instead of saying "are you considering others as better than yourself" (which never really struck a cord with my crew) my children actually begin to respond. I even tell them I don't like King whoever I am speaking too, and that there is only one King, which they always understand!
I still wish my shepherding felt more like a little bow peep fairy tale and less like a muck and mud covered trek over a ghastly cliff covered mountain with my sheep constantly trying to ignore me at best and knock me over and escape at worst. I never imagined when I thought of motherhood, how difficult it is to reach and hearts of my children and I honestly tell them they have hearts of stone that need to be changed (by Jesus) into hearts of flesh...I never realized how true this biblical truth was until my children. I see their response to the truth and I know even more clearly how amazing it is that ANYONE follows Christ! I see more my own reality before His intervention, but I also see how lazy my own heart is that it doesn't want to continuously work to take the word to my children's hearts. I get so frustrated with people who are lazy in these areas and there it is in my own heart a desire for an easy button! But that's also another reason why our savior is so wonderful, he isnt' like a weak and lazy mom who hasn't slept well in month. Our savior is always faithful, always alert, always aware, always working, always around, always perfect, always loving. An man, does that encourage my heart as it helps to shepherd a bunch of hoodlums (I am serious, my kids are crazy!)! :D
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