I love reading, as many of you who have read this blog in the past probably already know, and I do a good deal of it; when I am not teaching, parenting, cooking, driving, sleeping, or other things that being a mom-at-home entails I read! I read all sorts of genre's from fiction to mystery or biography and theology. I try hard to be varied in my choices of reading as so many good stories are available! But very few books hit me in the gut, wrench my conscience and motivate me to complain a whole lot less--aka being more holy!
Yup, I said it; I am a complainer! I look at my life and at the disdain I am forced to face from the choices I have made (i.e. Not having a career, having five children, supporting my husband, living from one day to the next, being a christian, etc). I honestly think about (probably at least 10 times a day) "Why me?" Haha, yeah it's not very funny, but it's true! I look at truths of my life and how it has been a struggle to hear and how other's have noted "Ever since you wanted to be a missionary," that my life has taken on an unalterable pallor. But this is good news, I can honestly say I have LOST MY LIFE! I have! My life as I knew it, lived for my goals and my expectations is long gone. I don't live even for the revival of that life, because it's ideas are so foreign to me now, but I still wish at times my loss wasn't so apparent and that's why I complain. "Does it have to be hard, God? Can't it be a little less hard?"