The Judicious exercise of approbation is of the first importance in promoting obedience, and in cultivating in the bosom of your child affectionate and cheerful feelings. Let your smiles animate your boy's heart, and cheer him on in duty. When he returns from school, with his clothes clean and his countenance happy, reward him with the manifestation of a mother's love. This will be the strongest incentive to neatness and care. An English gentleman used to encourage his little children to early rising, by calling the one who first made her appearance, Lark. The early riser was addressed by that name during the day. This slight expression of parental approval was sufficient to call up all the children early enjoyment of the morning air. A child of ten make a very great effort to do something to merit a smile from its mother. And most bitter tears are frequently shed because parents do not sufficiently sympathize in these feelings.
The enjoyment of many a social circle, and the disposition of many an affectionate child are spoiled by unceasing complaints. Some persons get into such a habit of finding fault that is becomes as natural to them as to breathe. Nothing pleases them. In every action, and in every event, they are searching for something to disapprove. Like venomous reptiles, they have the faculty of extracting poison from the choicest blessings. Children are very much creatures of sympathy. They form their characters from those around them. And we must cherish in our own bosoms those virtues we would foster in theirs. If we would give them calm and gentle and friendly feelings, we must first show them, by our own example, how valuable those feelings are.
--John S.C. Abbott, The Mother At Home, page 80-81
I am certain that each one of us struggles to see the good side in all things. Our hearts are naturally not inclined to be satisfied even in the sweets of graces offered us by our gracious savior, but you know how it poisons your own heart when you are engaged in complaints or you are surrounded by those who are consumed continually by complaints. We all know people who are continually finding fault, those who are rarely satisfied with anything or anyone for that matter. I heard a quote on a movie once that went something like this "I believe that not even the Lord would entirely meet with her approval." I can imagine that we can each picture an individual we have likewise thought of thus. Yet how often has their attitude killed our tenderest feelings toward them? It is the same with our sweet children. We have been entrusted with the care of their tender souls and a child of three, no matter the parents, has a heart that is softened to the things of the Lord. Yet when the attitudes and affections of the world are habitually visited on that child their hearts become just as their experience has taught them, hardened to the world, idolatrous and dissatisfied with all things.
I struggle in my own home to be one who is not negative over many if not all things. I think as women we are in greater danger of being nags, at least I know I am. Nagging the children and my husband more for that matter. But what does that teach my children, are they taught to love and to be selfless? Are they encouraged toward a sweet and gentle temper? Are the led toward a greater measure of self control? NO! They are led to be just what you are; unhappy, dissatisfied, depressed, negative, selfish....and I believe the list could continue on and on (at least when reflecting on the nature of my own heart!). But does that soften our child's heart to the gospel of Grace? It will only harden your child's heart from that which is so good--Our Great and Glorious Savior--Jesus Christ! I want to share with my my own conviction of being a fault finder and pointing my children away from the truth and toward themselves, but also encourage you to engage in approbation frequently not simply with your children, although they are your greatest ministry, but also with co-workers, friends, extended family and especially spouses. What might happen to your heart and the hearts of those around you when you are actively involved in inclining their hearts to you and there by the God who changed you? What a wondrous ministry that would be!
The enjoyment of many a social circle, and the disposition of many an affectionate child are spoiled by unceasing complaints. Some persons get into such a habit of finding fault that is becomes as natural to them as to breathe. Nothing pleases them. In every action, and in every event, they are searching for something to disapprove. Like venomous reptiles, they have the faculty of extracting poison from the choicest blessings. Children are very much creatures of sympathy. They form their characters from those around them. And we must cherish in our own bosoms those virtues we would foster in theirs. If we would give them calm and gentle and friendly feelings, we must first show them, by our own example, how valuable those feelings are.
--John S.C. Abbott, The Mother At Home, page 80-81
I am certain that each one of us struggles to see the good side in all things. Our hearts are naturally not inclined to be satisfied even in the sweets of graces offered us by our gracious savior, but you know how it poisons your own heart when you are engaged in complaints or you are surrounded by those who are consumed continually by complaints. We all know people who are continually finding fault, those who are rarely satisfied with anything or anyone for that matter. I heard a quote on a movie once that went something like this "I believe that not even the Lord would entirely meet with her approval." I can imagine that we can each picture an individual we have likewise thought of thus. Yet how often has their attitude killed our tenderest feelings toward them? It is the same with our sweet children. We have been entrusted with the care of their tender souls and a child of three, no matter the parents, has a heart that is softened to the things of the Lord. Yet when the attitudes and affections of the world are habitually visited on that child their hearts become just as their experience has taught them, hardened to the world, idolatrous and dissatisfied with all things.
I struggle in my own home to be one who is not negative over many if not all things. I think as women we are in greater danger of being nags, at least I know I am. Nagging the children and my husband more for that matter. But what does that teach my children, are they taught to love and to be selfless? Are they encouraged toward a sweet and gentle temper? Are the led toward a greater measure of self control? NO! They are led to be just what you are; unhappy, dissatisfied, depressed, negative, selfish....and I believe the list could continue on and on (at least when reflecting on the nature of my own heart!). But does that soften our child's heart to the gospel of Grace? It will only harden your child's heart from that which is so good--Our Great and Glorious Savior--Jesus Christ! I want to share with my my own conviction of being a fault finder and pointing my children away from the truth and toward themselves, but also encourage you to engage in approbation frequently not simply with your children, although they are your greatest ministry, but also with co-workers, friends, extended family and especially spouses. What might happen to your heart and the hearts of those around you when you are actively involved in inclining their hearts to you and there by the God who changed you? What a wondrous ministry that would be!
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