Just Like My Daughter?

This afternoon while checking the mail at our post office box my young daughter had a melt down. This one was epic too! While walking across the street, once again--across the street--trying to reach our parked vehicle beside a driver who was trying unsuccessfully to park for the 3rd time, my daughter decides to throw one of those "I WON'T hold your hand! Or Listen! And I will try hard to walk out into traffic" fits. I finally had to grab her bodily and put her into our van, where she promptly tried to fall back out, nearly successfully! Needless to say I was not a happy mother!

After firmly shutting the door and avoiding eye contact with all the elderly people in the parking lot--I don't know about you, but I feel more ashamed of my children's behavior in front of people who are my grandparents ages--I proceeded to lecture my daughter about bad behavior! I could not help saying something I am surprised occurred to me "You look at others who act just like you did with complete disdain!" (I didn't say disdain to my 3yo!). I knew instantly I was my daughter, only more adept at hiding my disapproval of others sinful choices while personally enjoying those same sins.

I am often the kid who throws fits at my father. I hate the way He makes me do what He tells me! I hate the authority He has over my life! I kick and scream and fuss at His direction and I try my hardest to yank my hand out of His! I am a mess! I am my daughter! Good thing God isn't a parent completely like I am--even at my best--He is much better!!

My daughter continued her fit into this afternoon and likely into this evening and she continues to remind me of myself. I don't often like the twists and turns my life takes. I want my own way more than anything else and yet I am bound to obey the one who bought me at a price (who in my more competent moments I am very trusting of). I don't stop there though, when I am feeling particularly obedient I look at my other siblings in the Lord and can't fathom how they could think or feel the things they reveal! "Susie really doesn't love her children as well as she should, I just saw her yell at her son! She really needs to repent and be thankful!" I think often in my head in many forms--thankfully I am reminded more often by Paul; "do not compare yourselves amongst yourselves!" I throw epic fits against the Savior and also have the audacity to snub my nose at others who struggle in identical ways! Amazing! I am my child!

How Not COOL! This reality isn't cool because I am obviously more immature than I would like to believe. More Uncool than that is that I am exactly like my children and I rarely see the similarities. But in another sense it is cool. I am very child like in many ways and I hope because my faithlessness is often characterized by immaturity, my faith will also be childlike and therefore sustainable. Although I am often driven by feelings, I am equally often clinging because I know how young and needy and weak I am, just as my children who haven't learned to care for themselves cling to us as their parents because they don't yet know how to make it alone in the world, while still trying desperately to buck any authority outside of themselves.

I see how the Body of Christ really is as a family  in the ways it is similar to my own household (although obviously my own household is a bigger and more flaming sin mess). God does care for His people as a gracious and amazing father who leads patiently. We really do benefit from the inheritance of our brother Christ who led us well here on earth and who we look up to and try in every way to be like! We do tend to compare amongst ourselves which is wicked and divisive, but we also make up our differences and repent and restore our relationships. I am glad though that in every way the body of Christ is redeemed in ways my family cannot be until my children follow Him alone. I know more now than ever how humble my position is not only before the Lord, but also before my children! Sometimes it makes me laugh that God would make me (such a weak and pathetic sinner) a mother and then I see the lessons I learn and the lenses through which I see my life and I know His thoughts are not my thoughts!