In Spite of Me....

Father God,

Lately I am aware of all the areas that I fall short so often. When my sin creeps up and is so apparent and obvious to those around me and especially to myself. I see so clearly my immediate need of a Savior and cannot understand why I am so obtuse and inconsistent. I look at the roller-coaster ride that Motherhood often is and I see how much I have to grow. I see where I loose my temper and discipline in anger. I see how little I am accomplishing--my boys don't know their ABC's, my 20 month old isn't potty training, my baby isn't sleeping through the night. I think about how much I want to accomplish more then the laundry and dinner each day, how much I want to be doing crafts and park visits and even going to the grocery store. I know that my children aren't memorizing a new catechism yet after the last one, they haven't been adding any new memory verses, and I see where I am dropping so many balls because I am simply incapable.

Then I see how I am not able to save my children. I cannot be nor do I desire to be their Savior. Although that is how I am acting. Please forgive my unbelieving heart that doesn't trust in your justification alone. I am so bound by my personal standards of perfection that I loose sight of your glorious salvation. I forget that my boys will be saved because You show favor on them and You are pleased to redeem them out of the pit. It has nothing to do with how well I perform. It has to do with Your character, You will and do save in spite of me.

I believe that You will redeem my children because of Your goodness and mercy. I praise You that my salvation, nor the salvation of my children, is based on my performance as a mother. You will be gracious and sovereign in spite of me. I am so thankful that you are constantly standing in the gap, being the Savior I so desperately need every moment of the day, not only for me but for my children also! I pray, believing that, You will see fit to draw my four charges unto yourself and You will receive the glory and praise, because truly it will clearly be a work of grace done in spite of my weaknesses and sin. How glorious is your salvation that it has anticipated my desperate need throughout this calling of motherhood. It so often teaches me where my need for growth is, reveals sin and selfishness, and grows my love of these little people daily. I thank you for the mercy You have shown in making me a mother and in seeing my need and making me like Your son, it is all because of Christ.......Amen