It's been a LONG month! One of the longest ones I can ever remember! Our sweet flibberdilou has contracted some errant virus which forced her to be hospitalized for three days and released on thanksgiving day which made us all VERY thankful we weren't in the hospital for longer, but it was still a long week of separation for our family! We had a wonderful nursing staff and luckily Will was able to miss only one work day to care for the kids while I stayed with Libi at the hospital! I remember the nurse asking me "You seem so calm!" I was by this point beyond exhausted and just ready to have someone say, "Here Larissa, I will take all the pressure you go take a nap for three days, okay?!" But I remember telling her of when we thought Silas had leukemia and when Kace had his arm surgically set after a severe break when he was 3. I just knew that this time around Libi wasn't my baby to freak out over. She is on loan and very much appreciated, but still she doesn't ultimately belong to me! I could not freak out, even when they told me if it developed into Pneumonia they could not treat her.
It was such an eye opening experience, I mean really who thinks about those people in the hospital during the holidays?! I never have! I never think about the doctors or the nurses, or the families with sick children. While in the ER my eyes met those of another mother whose son who was also on a stretcher being admitted to the hospital. This mom would not look away from my stare. Something passed between two mothers at that moment, a feeling of total understanding and compassion. I have never looked into the eyes of another human being before and seen their pain and felt my own ability to touch that pain! That mom was going through the same thing, although in a different way. Her child, like mine was struggling and she was afraid! I will never forget her eyes. I will never forget how she looked at me and didn't look away. I will think about her because in that moment I felt my own humanity most acutely! I felt my own fearful nature, I saw myself reflected back at me. I attempted to use my eyes and my look to convey support and grace. I hope in the future I can experience more moments of humanity in this manner. Where I look upon another person and can have complete unity of feeling. I am still learning what it means to be a steward of the lives I am given! I have not learned yet completely how to trust and obey. But I can admit, with total honesty that I am trying!! I want to be able to say, that in the face of a great and terrible illness which could likely affect this little gem's entire life forward, I am following with abandon. I hope one day, and I know my hope to be valid, to seem the fruit of this hope and know my life to truly reflect His image!
4 comments:
So glad your little peanut is alright and home safe. Could squeeze that little cutie.
I remember my sister feeling some of the same way when Shep was in the hospital so long and meeting mothers losing children or waiting to see if their babies would live til tomorrow. You do forget, sadly enough, about their needs and how they must be feeling. Wouldn't a ministry among families with children in hospitals be neat? Bringing meals to them, etc.
Hope things are back to a "norm" for you all....
I had the same thought about a church with families ministering in local hospitals, on thanksgiving morning a presbyterian church was passing out "thanksgiving" packages for the kids. I was thinking about having kids there, as it is educational for them in the area of thanksgiving, I saw some of there children with them, but the women in the group we actually conntacting the families, I thought it was so womanly to minister in that way and not be weirded out or freaked or unsure. Such a weird experience. Not bad, just not normal. I guess I am thankful for the new vision though! How would I have ever thought if I had not experienced it personally?
Libi is on the tail end of the virus this week but we are still giving treatments! Hopefully dr appt. this week will give us the all clear!
You don't really know until you've been there! I totally get the common bond you had with the other mom. It happens to me often when we are at the Hopkins specialty clinic.
So true, Julie! I never understood until now....I know the isolation can be hard, but the nurses were amazing! I was so thankful for them! I know you know exactly how it was!
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